Do you ever have a hard time speaking for yourself? I do. I really love connecting with people, but for much of my life, I have had trouble expressing myself. I’ve sat with people cringing inside, awkwardly trying to think of something to say. Sometimes I’ve remained frozen and silent about issues that were important to me.

It is lonely and frustrating to feel separated from the things you really need to say. When my voice was buried, I didn’t know how to find it. I realized that even the safest person was not going to be able to draw me out until I could draw myself out first.

I started to use writing to find my voice. I had long used writing as a tool to contemplate, think through a problem, or plan a project. A transformation started to happen when I used writing to create a safe space for myself – a space where I could return over and over again and be totally honest with myself. 

If you enjoy writing, there are many ways to use it in your healing work. I want to offer you one tool you can use to connect with your voice the next time you experience a strong emotion.

These are 3 simple steps that you can at home with a pen and paper, on a computer, or on the go with your phone.

Step 1: Confide

Start by expressing yourself.  Allow whatever is in the stream of your consciousness to flow out onto the page (or screen). Vent if you need to. This is a time to release whatever worries and stress you are carrying.

What are you feeling? Is it anger, shame, love, sadness, passion, guilt, joy, fear? Name them if you can. Allow those emotions to have a voice, and write down what they have to tell you.

What do you feel in your body? Is there a part of your body that feels pain or tension? What does that part of your body have to say?

Allow yourself enough time to get it all out. It might take you 5 minutes – or it might take you an hour.

As you write, try not to filter yourself. Your goal is to reach your most authentic self, so don’t edit yourself as you go. If you start to analyze or critique yourself, stop.

Step 2: Receive

This is the most important step, and it takes practice! You are not fixing, judging or correcting what you write. Instead, by receiving all that you are writing, you are making it safe for you to be vulnerable with yourself.

In this step, you might imagine that you are a caring friend to yourself who is reading what you wrote, taking you seriously, curious about you and accepting of where you are at.

Whatever comes up, know that it is true for you.

Step 3: Explore

This is the time to start asking yourself questions. How do I feel right now? Do I feel differently than I did when I started? You might notice that you feel some relief or more space in your body.

Now, look over everything you have written, and notice what stands out to you. If anger has come up for you, what is causing you to feel angry? What is anger telling you that you need to know?

It can be enlightening to explore your inner experience. But be patient with yourself. It may take time to get to the root of some conflicts – especially if that root has been buried for a long time.

Our emotions are gateways to real parts of us – and they have something important to say. By meeting your hardest emotions in a spirit of acceptance and hearing what they have to tell you, you are finding your voice. You are creating a deep companionship with yourself that you can always lean on. 

“We call it ‘finding our voice’ for a reason, not because we lost it, but it was stolen from us, taken or buried in the name of love, hidden under shame, or traded for acceptance. Silence is not a quiet space nor is it permanent. For every survivor who finds their voice, there is a rumble in the sky, a roar from the jungle, a tsunami brewing in the ocean that tells us that trauma will not have the last word!” 
– Dr. Rosenna Bakari