A friend came up to me the other day, feeling unsettled. She told me that while she was on her way to a bus stop, a woman she had never met before stopped her and pulled her aside, telling her that she wanted to pray for her and could heal her. Presumably, this woman saw that my friend has a disability and believed she was helping her. But it was hard to read her motive by a first impression.

I nodded, knowingly. This kind of thing happens to me every once in a while. I’ll be walking down a street with my limp showing, and a person will stop me and tell me that if we pray together, my limp will go away.

My friend went on to tell me that she has experienced real, miraculous healing, which opens her to possibility. But she is also cautious, because she has also been left feeling hurt and disappointed by people who promised her healing.

Many of us encounter people who claim to have powers to heal spiritual, emotional, or physical sickness. It can be confusing. Some healers are genuine, and they empower us to find what we need. Others want to use our need for their own personal gain.

When I first left the church, my heart was wide open to possibility, seeking spiritual and emotional healing. I was unguarded. I had walked away from much of the abusive script, but I had not fully forged my own worldview. (for background, read A Story About Spiritual Abuse)

During that time, a man befriended me. We got to know each other, and he seemed like a genuine, well-intentioned person.  I looked up to his experience and insight. As time went on, he gave me promises that he could heal me. Then, I started catching him telling lies, and he began pressuring me to do things I didn’t want to do. It became clear that he was trying to groom me.

We are vulnerable to spiritual predators when we are hurting, open and ready for change. This is especially true when we are coming out of controlling relationships or faith environments. We can’t always tell the false healers from the real from a first impression. If you are wondering about someone, watch what they do and how they make you feel.

Keep your eyes open to potential red flags that a person may be a spiritual predator:

• They make you feel uneasy or uncomfortable.
• Their actions don’t line up with their words.
• They have narcissistic tendencies. They may project grandiosity, or they might value their image at the expense of really caring about you or others. Genuine healers are secure in themselves and don’t need a pedestal. As a result, genuine healers often are not in the limelight.
• They set themselves up as the only one who can help you.
• They lead you away from trusting yourself. Watch for this if you feel overly attached to them or notice yourself idolizing them. Genuine healers and teachers don’t create dependence; they steer you back to your own capability and encourage you to lean on yourself.
• They make promises that sound too good to be true: “You will be completely healed and all your dreams will come true.” If the promises don’t come true, they’ll say something is wrong with you, not them.
• They want to charge you an unreasonable amount of money.

Because we are often vulnerable when dealing with self-proclaimed healers, we need strong boundaries in place.

Boundaries enable us to open ourselves to the possibility of real healing while protecting ourselves from harmful people.

• First things first: Do you want what they are offering? If the answer is “no,” you have permission to say so.
• Carry a healthy skepticism. Don’t be quick to trust them until you can see their motive.
• Talk to mutual connections to get a feel for the person’s reputation. But, keep in mind that a person’s reputation doesn’t always give the whole story. Do your own investigating. Ask questions. Google their name and look into their background.
• Keep your distance if you feel something is off or see any of the above red flags (or others). Reduce the frequency of your communication, and take space to yourself.
• Confront them about behaviors that don’t sit right with you. For example: “Why are you charging this amount?” or “This behavior doesn’t line up with what you told me a week ago.”
• Spend extra time with people you trust. Ask your trusted friends and family for feedback about your experience with the person.
• If you don’t feel safe or like yourself with the person, get out of the relationship as quickly as you can.

My greatest boundary is knowing that my healing does not belong to anyone else, but me. 

If you want more information about signs of false gurus vs. real spiritual teachers and healers, I highly recommend Sacred Wounds by Teresa Pasquale.